professor is asking people to tell him what mesopotamians stored their food in.

Guy: tupperware?
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girl on phone: "you definitely shouldn't have kids, mostly because your an alcoholic and secondly because alcoholism is an unbreakable cycle, you don't want to burden your child with that"
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Girl: "I'm not going tonight, this class isn't worth me dying" - overheard at Temple Main. (Reason: "bomb" on the subway.)
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Slips of paper left on the ground around campus:
"You would be killed in Bed Stuy."
"Congratulations on every shirt you own being plaid."
"Put some fucking lotion on your hands."
"Why did you never use tongue?"
"Thank alcohol for being the only reason you ever got laid."
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Girl One : So, have you made your decision yet?
Girl Two: [very frank tone] Well, I've decided not to drink during the week.
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Girl: Are we mad at [another boy]?
Boy: WHY ARE THESE GROUP DECISIONS?!
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Girl: in the end, boys are all just so gay
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Girl: Hey, ____.
Guy: Hi.
Girl: What are you doing?
Guy: Watching a movie..?
Girl: Well we are playing pong. You should come over.
Guy: No thanks. I don't drink.
Girl: That's alright! You should just come over to socialize.
Guy: No thanks. I don't socialize.
Girl: Um... (just walks away)
Guy: Thanks though!
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Girl One: Why are you guys inside? It's so nice out...you guys are...what's the word?
Girl Two: Bums?
Girl One: No. Like...widows?
Girl Two: ...widows?
Girl One: No, like...
Girl Two: Hermits?
Girl One: No, like-- what was Emily Dickinson?
Girl Two: A recluse?
Girl One: Yes! No, I was like, widow, because ... spiders ... and recluse!
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Sophmore pondering over coffee: "I've never seen a squirrel give birth. Have you Ever thought about How often squirrels must give birth judging from How many squirrels there Are?"
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Student 1: She killed herself with chlorophyll...what is that?
Student 2: It's what makes plants...green?
Student 1: Oh, wait, maybe it was chloro-something else...
Student 2: Chloroform?
Student 1: YEAH! That's it!
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