Guy 1: "Is there any sport that girls are consistently better than guys at?"
Guy 2: "Childbirth"
Tweet

Saturday at McDonalds... roughly 3am

Guy: "She was grabbing my nuts so hard I almost screamed...
Girl: "What do you mean?"
Guy: "She was like I want these in my mouth right now!"
Tweet

Girl One: Rainbow?! I would kill myself if my name was Rainbow!
Girl Two: I would kill myself if my name was Unique! That's like naming your kid Special!
Girl One:"It's not the name. It's the kid. Like I could name her Trash Can and I'd still love 'er."
Tweet

Girl: Hey, ____.
Guy: Hi.
Girl: What are you doing?
Guy: Watching a movie..?
Girl: Well we are playing pong. You should come over.
Guy: No thanks. I don't drink.
Girl: That's alright! You should just come over to socialize.
Guy: No thanks. I don't socialize.
Girl: Um... (just walks away)
Guy: Thanks though!
Tweet

Sophmore pondering over coffee: "I've never seen a squirrel give birth. Have you Ever thought about How often squirrels must give birth judging from How many squirrels there Are?"
Tweet

Guy driving down the street yelling at me and my girlfriend.
"LESBIANS!"
Why yes good sir we are.
Tweet

Two guys walking back up Shortlidge coming from downtown:

Guy: "Dude, if you have herpes you gotta tell her."
Tweet

It's like, sometimes, we're just a little too morally sound.
Tweet

Student 1: She killed herself with chlorophyll...what is that?
Student 2: It's what makes plants...green?
Student 1: Oh, wait, maybe it was chloro-something else...
Student 2: Chloroform?
Student 1: YEAH! That's it!
Tweet

Slips of paper left on the ground around campus:
"You would be killed in Bed Stuy."
"Congratulations on every shirt you own being plaid."
"Put some fucking lotion on your hands."
"Why did you never use tongue?"
"Thank alcohol for being the only reason you ever got laid."
Tweet

Girl:"I saw your comment!"
Guy:"We don't talk about facebook away from facebook!"
Tweet

Girl to Guy in the hub: If you ask me to go down on you again, I'll bite your dick off.
Tweet

While driving back to school: "Okay ... don't just run into me when I offer you a spot with forgiveness in my heart ... I fuckin' HATE you!!!!"
Tweet

Girl One: Why are you guys inside? It's so nice out...you guys are...what's the word?
Girl Two: Bums?
Girl One: No. Like...widows?
Girl Two: ...widows?
Girl One: No, like...
Girl Two: Hermits?
Girl One: No, like-- what was Emily Dickinson?
Girl Two: A recluse?
Girl One: Yes! No, I was like, widow, because ... spiders ... and recluse!
Tweet

Guy: Seriously? You're still trying to guilt me after you're dead? What a bitch!
Tweet